Creative life (40)
I was painting for few hours, learning about new paints via the beauty of experiment and failure when I sat for a moment at my desk. I glazed at the canvas and that statement just appeared from nowhere: Art is about finding a different reality...I realised all my creative processes been a lot about finding new way of expression that never existed before. There is a very little in my art about depicting the reality, picture or an object. I am finding realistic still life at the moment totally uninspiring. It may all change but at that very moment art is about finding the different reality... .
In his short document "I need color" Jim Carrey is saying a lot about his connection with painting, art and colour. And I get it. He needs colour. I need to throw colour. Literally "throw" and visually too. Many of my quick "emotional release" entries in journals or on paper, canvases are the effect of combined colour and dynamism in application of it. Wonder about the process? Carry on reading.
Sometimes I truly believe I am just a mere extension of the brush. It is the paint brush doing its work. Performing, creating strokes, loading the paint, making marks. My ideas? Come from above, appear from the cloudy reality and I am the transporter of them-some kind of communication channel. We all love to believe we are exclusive creators- great idea's holders and the special one. But are we really? More time I spend in the presence of art the more I am becoming convinced there is something beyond human control, creative flow itself actually is definitely beyond. Only by allowing that control to be taken by art/universe/god/spirit/soul (*choose appropriate) we experience the magic of creation...
Painting what I do not see became the theme for my new documentary about inner landscapes. For over 18 months my visual imagination has been captivated by returning to the process of abstract paintings of inner world of thoughts, emotions and symbolic meanings. I started small with journals then expanded gradually to bigger canvases and paintings going on walls. How can you paint what you do not see? They says “paint what you see” but how about painting what you do not see but feel? In this way the art process becomes an additional language, the communication tool between inner self, psyche and the visible surface of reality. Let's go deeper...
What I have learnt from art is jumping higher every time the obstacle comes my way. It is like building resilience in personal life, boosting your inner immune system to be able to deal with anything that life throws at you. Let start from beginning of this journey to show you how “I cannot” been converted to “And what next?”
There are times in our lives when we simply, without wanting either willing, have to abandon creativity. Life gets tough, life takes over. The problem arises when this period becomes prolonged and we start struggling to actually come back to where we were. Our routines and creative habits are gone and we find it easier to find excuses to stay away from creating rather than going back. Then it takes longer again and we start feeling like nothing is worth creating unless it is good enough and that “good enough” is another obstacle resulting in fear of creating.
What is an act of creating? How would you define it? Beyond the concept of art, on general perspective, act of creation is making things happen, making something from something else, making choice what and how to create. There is not a single act of creativity without freedom. Freedom is streaming through creativity like its constant companion and condition for things to happen. We need to feel free to choose what and how to create to have the sense of creativity being worth an effort. We need freedom to create and be free to create truly-that strong however simple realisation came to my mind recently after delivering expressive arts therapeutic session to dementia patients.
I have never had the feel for planning, setting goals, over planning, hitting targets. Despite the fact that I can throw myself into creating like a mad person without limits and forgetting about eating I still could never been a "planner". Recently I came across an article that used visual and art metaphor for a different approach to how our mind function with future planning, when we employ rather "now" approach that has nothing to do with hitting targets. And that was a realisation for me that actually approaching life like I approach a painting at many occasions can work quite wonders! So again art is teaching me life...because as Socrates said "I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance!"
Why do we must create? I do not know but what I know is that I mentally die if I ban myself from creating. It is like breathing for some- the necessary force of lifehood. Creativity is here for me and more I am involved in it more I become aware that it defines my life. It is not like interesting hobby, or maybe joyful evenings activity. It is not "oh nice you paint in your spare time" scenario. I have no spare time actually. I have no time to loose, waste, or spend on meaningless activities of life that are pulling me away from the core of life- ART.
Some time ago, probably a while ago you were a child happily playing with toys, crayons, sticks or whatever you found in your environment. Maybe you were enjoying splashing in puddles or creating monsters from clay. Whatever you were doing there is one thing- you definitely enjoyed it. But do you remember it? Probably now you do, once you reading it, but in you current life- in the middle of never ending drama of adulthood you forgot. What you truly forgot is not actually the activity but the sense of joyful playfulness it brought into your life. The state of being there, just being without a worry about why/what for/what if. Where is that all gone now?
Our daily life, what is here on the surface is only a mere part of the whole …The big chunk of our thoughts and mind functions is hidden in subconscious part.
Subconscious part-the one we rarely dig in, deep container of desires, fears and psychological patterns as well as beliefs is the hardest part to access when we are tangled in tasks of mundane life, pulled towards pointless conversations or trying to be the helper of the world.
Creativity comes and goes...the muse never really belongs to us for long periods of time. However we keep creating and asking for her, if no response we shout and wait...And we wait and wait as her asbsence is prolonged. After quite few conversations with various artist I noticed that we know so little about the period of let's call it "quiet creativity". Those moments that some call tortures, other just lack of inspiration. But if we just look at that from a different angle we can actually start kind of enjoying those less or zero productivity moments... The first and simple rule is "stop comparing with others"!
As creativity gradually shifted me from work in a solitude mode (that I still love) more towards work with people I noticed that some stories are being told many times. Many people find themselves and their creativity in the moment of life when they search for..themselves. Like years of playing role of not fully aligned with their inner desire, they got tired of it and looked for lost treasure of creativity to bring the core aliveness back to them. We not talking only about people experiencing existential crisis of middle age, nearly retired or those with empty nest syndrom. Yes them to,o but also a big chunk of people from diverse environments, age groups, life situations and beliefs that suddenly stopped, turned their head back and asked- why and how do I find myself again? So they had opened to possibilities of self-creativity in order to find the lost authenticity regardless how long ago it seemed to be missing from. However as they embarked the intensive search for themselves to fully find the true self, they have to loose the ego of self...The paradox of true creativity!
"One day you simply give up or quietly walk away from all that what creates disturbances for your soul. You will find the peace within, beyond Self, somewhere there without worry about yourself or those around. You will become the creator of the world in that very moment regardless of the centuries of past and vast unknown of the future. Whatever you choose- paint, pencil, brush, crayon, pen...You just simply and amazingly become a part of a bigger reality flowing like a fluid of life through your mind. And that is when you tasted the true creativity and there is no way back". -from "Praying to my crazy mind diary"- a small notebook with my random thoughts:)